“What a smartass you are!” (I do silly things very often, though.), “You shine!” (Hmm, do you think so?), “Nice dress!” (Is just from H&M though.) or “How great your hair looks!” (This bird’s nest?) Compliments. They are music to our ears and put a big smile on most of our faces. After we at least first put ourselves down shyly, uncomfortably and especially unnecessarily. Why are we doing this? How do you take a compliment correctly? And how do you make sure that your words of praise not only sound beautiful, but also hit home? In this article, I’ll explain it to you! Every year on March 1 is Compliment Day! The perfect opportunity to sprinkle generously with heartfelt(!) compliments for once

The magic of a compliment

That compliments and positive attention make one feel good is obvious. But did you know that there is also a physical explanation for this? Indeed, when receiving appreciation, the reward center of our brain is activated. This increases the amount of dopamine and subsequently induces a feeling of happiness. So getting a compliment literally causes your brain to create a happiness substance! How awesome is that?

National Compliments Day

From Valentine’s Day to Mother’s and Father’s Day. Commercial national days are (more than) plentiful. On National Compliment Day, however, buying a gift is not a requirement. Stronger! In fact, it is discouraged. After all, Compliment Day is all about giving sincere attention and showing personal appreciation. Do you do this by buying a gift? Then you have not understood the ground rules of this unique day as well as the true value of compliments. Read on quickly and find out how to do it.

The art of complimenting (tips!), this is how to give a compliment

Tip #1: Be sincere

Sincerity is a requirement. Otherwise, better not say anything. Or at least something else. Example: Do you think your friend’s new dress is hideous? Then don’t give her false compliments or ask her where she got it from. For example, what you can do is let her know how happy your friendship makes you.

Tip! Support your words with positive body language and show a good dose of enthusiasm.

Tip 2: Be creative and concrete

The best compliments stay in our memory for a lifetime and are usually about a personality trait or something we struggle with. Example: Did your shy friend gather all his courage to ask for a raise? Then let him know how proud you are by complimenting his perseverance.

Tip 3: dose, dose, dose

Did you make someone so incredibly happy with your heartfelt compliment that you now keep repeating the laudatory criticism ad nauseam? Then the positive effect diminishes rapidly. So dose that flattery well.

Tip 4: Keep the recipient’s personality in mind

Receiving praise is gratifying, yet we sometimes feel uncomfortable with it. Especially in shy people, the jaws quickly turn red. Keep this in mind and prefer to compliment such persons when you are in pairs and not in groups.

Tip! Is someone very shy? Then send him or her a compliment via email or WhatsApp. It’s a little less personal, but it feels a lot more secure.

This is how to receive a compliment

Receiving a compliment correctly is easy and all it takes is one simple but powerful word: “Thank you!” Do this with a smile and possibly add “How nice of you to say that” and you’re done. The crazy thing is that while we all know this in theory, we still regularly react incorrectly in practice. This negates the compliment and loses its power. Would you like to receive that feather in your ass in a gracious manner? Then avoid these reactions!

Mistake 1: cringe and blushingly look away

Ok, there’s not much you can do about your blushing jaws. But that ground-focused look and your drooping shoulders? You do have full control over those. Pay attention to your body language: stand up straight and look the flatterer in the eye. And those red cheeks? Comment on it! A simple “Thank you, it makes me red/warm.” puts you at ease and shows that the compliment touches you.

Mistake 2: downplaying the compliment

Go for recognition (“Thank you”) rather than modesty (“Not so bad…”). Of course, you don’t want to appear arrogant or vain or boastful of yourself. But by waving away or undercutting a compliment, you degrade the praise.

Mistake 3: for what goes around

Complimenting is not a barter. Therefore, resist the urge to immediately say “But you look nice, too!” Moreover, quickly returning a compliment comes across as insincere.

Mistake 4: rationalizing the compliment

Unless asked, justifying or defending yourself is not necessary for anything. For example, does your boss compliment you on your delivered work? Then don’t explain in detail exactly what you did and why. What you can do is ask for more information. After all, like criticism, a compliment is a form of feedback. So you can learn a lot from it.

Mistake 5: suspecting impure motives

Do you assume complimenters have a hidden agenda and therefore take their words with some distrust? Don’t! Because if you respond with “Thanks, and now say what you want from me” every time, the praise will soon stop. Therefore, drop your suspicions and apply the presumption of innocence: every phleem stocking is innocent until proven guilty. (Not vice versa!) True beauty is within and largely in your own hands. But of course, a heartfelt compliment is always gratifying. When was the last time you extended a loving heart to someone?

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Have you already mastered the subtle art of complimenting? Or do you have a handy tip of your own to make giving and receiving praise smoother? Share them in the comments!